Are You Jewish?

I was asked this on the subway platform today, as I waited for the 6 train amidst many angry commuters. I had my earphones in so it took me a second to realize that this woman was talking to me. I was so shocked. "Are you Jewish?" I hesitated but then, as if I was admitting something, I said "Yes. Yes I'm Jewish". She then gave me a bag with two Shabbat candles in it and a pamphlet. She told me that she wanted me to have a happy Shabbas. Then the train came.

Three things stand out to me here:

One, her unbelievable kindness. Most people in New York act like there isn't anyone else next to them, as if they are in their own world. This woman came up to me, a 23 year old with an ipod and a pissed off expression, and just asked me if I was Jewish. Then she gave me a gift and walked away before I could say thank you. The pamphlet doesn't have an address for a synagogue or seem to be pushing any sort of agenda. It was just a gift. I know I've been acclimated into New York because I can't believe a stranger was talking to me and not hustling me for anything. It was quite enlightening and made me feel grateful for this city.

Two, her immediate recognition that I was a Jew. She just swooped in out of nowhere. "Are you Jewish?" I mean what is this? I know there's been jokes about tribe on tribe spotting for years but do I have a tracking device? Brown hair, brown eyes, and a look of frustration during rush hour at Grand Central Station does not a Jew make. Or maybe it does. I just know that all of a sudden I felt this connection to someone that I had never met. Then I felt calm. The calmness followed me onto the 6. Which may be the oddest thing of all.

Finally, my hesitation. "Are you Jewish?" Well, according to her I'm probably not. My mom's not Jewish. I barely go to temple. I don't know that I believe in God. I believe in many other things like love and happiness and the goodness of people. I think the notion of God might have been blown for me after taking too many sociology classes: people banding around community, feeling a connection to one another, feeling like there is some reason for life happening the way that it does. Basically what I just described. Everyone from the Israelites to the Mayans to Jim Jones was looking for someone to turn to. My argument for being Jewish is that I was a Bat Mitzvah twice - one in Israel on Masada and once in Stamford, Connecticut. I say argument because when people question my religion I get oddly defensive, like I have to prove it to someone. Except that I don't really believe it. Weird. I suppose that I do want to believe in something.

So what do I take from this? Here's what I know: I've been unbelievably stressed out about a potential opportunity. The idea of which I can barely take because I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. Ever. I've lost sleep over it, haven't been hungry, and have been waking up around 2 or 3 in the morning thinking that I must have forgotten something. Then as soon as she gave me the candles there was this intense calm. Someone was able to reach out through a sea of isolated people on a crowded platform and offer me something to hold on to. That is special.

I am very grateful for today.