The Best Text Message I Have Ever Received [well done]

"If you're watching the news and hear that some psycho killed my family... it was me. Remember me as I was, please."

I don't know many people that can convey that level of wit, irony, and unequivocal truth into a simple text. That's why she's one of my best friends.

[Gratitude Journal - Entry #5]

1. Diana F+
2. Expired 120mm film
3. The Ticking is the Bomb - Nick Flynn
   

Sand Painting, Washington Square Park, 1/23/10

The Coolest Du-Wop Troupe Evaaaaa (or at least that I saw today)

Gratitude Journal [entry #4]

1. Human kindness
2. Bad ass guitar riffs
3. Lucille Bluth [figure 1]

figure 1.

Gratitude Journal [entry #3]

1. Cheap wine
2. Godzilla rolls
3. Not having to work the line at today's HAIR open call

Bonus points for Sam Neuman's apt (and appropriately theatrical) facebook status:

"...is reminded of the "Kim's Nightmare" sequence from Miss Saigon"

Quell My Bleeding Liberal Heart [kennedys]

The Kennedy reign has been fraught with peril, PR disasters, dysfunctional family dinners, and unbelievable sadness but I always understood them to be the human symbol of the American Dream. This is not to say that this was grounded in reality or in their actual political decisions, but instead to say that their time and upheaval in American politics has resulted in their name becoming an infallible symbol of America's hope, prosperity, and possibility.

The truth of the matter is that until JFK there was not much of an ideological difference between democrats and republicans. Both were members of the Bohemian Club, both had silver spoons, and both played the game. JFK became a symbol for justice during the civil rights campaign. In fact, JFK didn't want to touch the civil rights issue. He felt that it was too sensitive and too big of a mess to take on. It was not until the dogs were set on black children in Alabama that he acted. This was, in fact, not of his own calling but instead of the critique of other countries. How could the POTUS allow hoses and dogs to be sicked on small children and not do anything? This, readers, was the beginning of John F. Kennedy, POTUS becoming JFK, beacon of American Idealism.

This is important because this symbol, despite motivations, became a cornerstone of our country. Obama ran his entire campaign based on the same ideals touted by the Kennedys. Throughout their very public trials, the American people have continued to believed in them and their message. Today, the Kennedy reign is over. As the NYT published yesterday:

"That seat, held for nearly half a century by Mr. Kennedy, the liberal lion of the Senate, will now by held by a Republican who has said he supports water boarding as an interrogation technique for terrorism suspects; opposes a federal cap-and-trade program to reduce carbon emissions; and opposed a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants unless they leave the country."

Mr. Brown also strongly opposes gay marriage. How did this happen in Massachusetts? I am very sad for today. I only half understand why it happened and I'm not sure anyone is sure what the full impact will be. I can't help but feel that the sea change that swept the country during the election has passed and Americans have again seceded to safe, traditional views that they are comfortable with. I mentioned in my last post that the youth of today are passive and lazy. Posting a facebook status or updating a twitter account does not a revolution make. If you feel the way that I do please educate yourself on the issues, and spread the message. There are so many ways to help that are local. I don't know if young people just don't think that this effects us or what, but it does.

I phone-banked for Massachusetts via Obama for America. If you're interested about democratic policy or want to be in the loop so you can hear about active opportunities for change, just visit BarackObama.com. It really is that easy.

[Gratitude Journal - Entry #2]

1. Everything bagels with scallion cream cheese
2. Heart shaped sunglasses
3. Mint tea

The Joys of a Monday-Sunday [and other things]

There are so many. You get a short week, an extra day of weekend, and in my case a lovely day in the park with beautiful Kira. I've still been incredibly on edge about a potential life change (which I've just started referring to as THE DECISION as if its something of global importance) and the fresh air and the view of the Delacorte from Belvedere was exactly what I needed. Looking down into the theater reminds me why I care so much. This is love. [See figure 1]

I'm trying to feel peace now in my wonderful apartment with regal Ophelia. I've been practicing a lot of mindfulness lately, which is in fact utilized in Buddhism. The principle is that one can isolate thoughts and feelings for a moment and regain perspective. Another large part of mindfulness is being grateful for what you have in life.

[Gratitude Journal - Entry #1]

1. Central Park
2. Votivo Sea-Island Grapefruit scented candle
3. My record player

I am grateful for rediscovering LOVE. As in, a love that is yours that will never disappear. This happened when I was 21 and began working for the Public. I didn't feel alone anymore, but that's why I'm so freaked now. What if this love wasn't unconditional but just a phase that ends if I don't get my shot there? Right now I'm forked between New York and Dallas. If this comes through I will stay in New York because I will have a strong enough reason to. If I don't then I'm going to get my teaching certificate at SMU. This waiting period is nearly intolerable.

Where am I going? What's going to happen when I get there? Having two loves of your life is half awesome/half succubus. Until I have an answer I feel unsteady and inconclusive about even little decisions. I'm isolating and pushing everyone away. I divide time as moments before and after the decision. I'm not hungry, I have trouble sleeping.

Enough of this. There are also other events cooking. My friends and I are trying to organize a charity concert for Haiti. I've already registered with the Red Cross and they are waiting to draw up a contract with me so that I can legally use their name/etc. I've been having a hard time getting venues to take me seriously but I think that with an increasingly impressive set of performers I will be able to woo someone into providing me with an establishment. I think that it is incredible that the US has raised over $5m via texting "Haiti to 90999" aka red cross international. I want to do something local and I am lucky enough to have a bevy of incredibly talented friends who can draw a crowd. This is important. Right now I am in talks with Joe's Pub, Rockwood Music Hall, and Cake Shop. I wish more young people could get their shit together and mobilize in a way that constituted change. AKA not just updating your twitter and facebook status. Technology has made us all lazy. So here's an open call: if you're reading this, know a venue, have a band, or are interested in helping out leave a comment. Let's do something for the greater good.

[Figure 1] Delacorte Theater, Central Park

This is absolutly how I felt at 6 PM today. TGI LONG WEEKEND!

Are You Jewish?

I was asked this on the subway platform today, as I waited for the 6 train amidst many angry commuters. I had my earphones in so it took me a second to realize that this woman was talking to me. I was so shocked. "Are you Jewish?" I hesitated but then, as if I was admitting something, I said "Yes. Yes I'm Jewish". She then gave me a bag with two Shabbat candles in it and a pamphlet. She told me that she wanted me to have a happy Shabbas. Then the train came.

Three things stand out to me here:

One, her unbelievable kindness. Most people in New York act like there isn't anyone else next to them, as if they are in their own world. This woman came up to me, a 23 year old with an ipod and a pissed off expression, and just asked me if I was Jewish. Then she gave me a gift and walked away before I could say thank you. The pamphlet doesn't have an address for a synagogue or seem to be pushing any sort of agenda. It was just a gift. I know I've been acclimated into New York because I can't believe a stranger was talking to me and not hustling me for anything. It was quite enlightening and made me feel grateful for this city.

Two, her immediate recognition that I was a Jew. She just swooped in out of nowhere. "Are you Jewish?" I mean what is this? I know there's been jokes about tribe on tribe spotting for years but do I have a tracking device? Brown hair, brown eyes, and a look of frustration during rush hour at Grand Central Station does not a Jew make. Or maybe it does. I just know that all of a sudden I felt this connection to someone that I had never met. Then I felt calm. The calmness followed me onto the 6. Which may be the oddest thing of all.

Finally, my hesitation. "Are you Jewish?" Well, according to her I'm probably not. My mom's not Jewish. I barely go to temple. I don't know that I believe in God. I believe in many other things like love and happiness and the goodness of people. I think the notion of God might have been blown for me after taking too many sociology classes: people banding around community, feeling a connection to one another, feeling like there is some reason for life happening the way that it does. Basically what I just described. Everyone from the Israelites to the Mayans to Jim Jones was looking for someone to turn to. My argument for being Jewish is that I was a Bat Mitzvah twice - one in Israel on Masada and once in Stamford, Connecticut. I say argument because when people question my religion I get oddly defensive, like I have to prove it to someone. Except that I don't really believe it. Weird. I suppose that I do want to believe in something.

So what do I take from this? Here's what I know: I've been unbelievably stressed out about a potential opportunity. The idea of which I can barely take because I've never wanted anything more in my entire life. Ever. I've lost sleep over it, haven't been hungry, and have been waking up around 2 or 3 in the morning thinking that I must have forgotten something. Then as soon as she gave me the candles there was this intense calm. Someone was able to reach out through a sea of isolated people on a crowded platform and offer me something to hold on to. That is special.

I am very grateful for today.